So, Claire and I were on the plane to San Jose' yesterday, and I was trying my hardest to read a book long overdue for reading......but couldn't due to the obnoxiously, loud girl behind me.  I knew she had never met the guy she was sitting by, and I think he hoped he had never met her, but she acted like they were BFF.  In an hour and a half, she did not come close to running out of things to say.  In thinking all of this and other things I'd rather not write, I'm become so convicted.  I mean, here I am on my $300 flight to a 7 day dream vacation spot, where I'm gonna get to experience luxury most people in this world won't even see on movies, and I still am able to feel somehow "inconvenienced".  Somehow I have the audacity to be like "How dare she keep me from reading about Jesus!!!  Doesn't she know I'm trying to renew my mind with good things!!"  I realize, I need to act more like the man I'm trying to read about.  He's my best friend, yet in this situation, this is an almost unrecognizable truth.  

Isn't it amazing that even as redeemed, free, and ridiculously blessed children of the only High King, we're still able to put ourselves above others.  Even though a sinless man made himself last so that we could live, we can still attempt to put ourselves first.  It's amazing to me.   Even while filling and growing my spirit man continuously, my heart still struggles to love and think thoughts that are evil.  It's like Paul said  "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."  

At least Paul, the man God chose to use to write a 1/3 of the new testament, struggled as we do.  God, help me to see others with your eyes.  His love for us truly baffles me.  Especially when I know he knows all of my thoughts, good and bad.  He still loves me.  As I was getting off of that flight the song "Hold Me Now" by Hillsong United was playing on my ipod.  Amazing song about the glory that awaits us; the glory we don't deserve; the glory we can't fathom.  I know if we could, we would work so much harder to make sure others get to experience it too.  

Thank you God, that even with this wretched heart, my eternity is sealed. Check out the lyrics to the song:

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

All my fears swept away
In the light of your embrace
When Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let these songs of heaven rise to you alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suff'ring You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sickening
No hiding You hold me now, 
You hold me now

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails

When You're name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day

When the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let these songs of heaven rise to you alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness, no sickening
No hiding You hold me now, 
You hold me now

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name